Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
