On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
