I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
