No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize