i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
