Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
