this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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