is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
