happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
