One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Boobs are out for the taking
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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