i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
