rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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