She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
