I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
