The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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