WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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