Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
