Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
