wrigley field is MILF paradise
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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