I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
