Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
