I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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