You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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