Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm at about main and main street
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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