Don't you send me to vm
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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