I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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