i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Sober January is a disaster.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
