we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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