the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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