And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
