Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
