he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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