You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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