A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Damn victory sex feels great
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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