You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
