margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I could make wine with my vomit
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
