Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
