If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
