is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she told me i tasted like america
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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