You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need a beard to bite.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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