I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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