Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
