a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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