Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
