So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
either way he was missing a nipple.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
