what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
