I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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