dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Church boner. Awkwardddd
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
