i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
