Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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