u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it was like eating out sand paper
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize