Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
