theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
