When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
