i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
