the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
