I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
