am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
