I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
