I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
