does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
