If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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